I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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