I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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