used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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