someone owes me an orgasm
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
