make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
