Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize