We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
