grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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