Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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