Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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