i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
