Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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