the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Congratulations! We have a period
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
