My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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