does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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