If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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