He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
