Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
