I wish i was in the wii world.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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