so that wasnt chicken after all
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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