he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
