I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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