did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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