the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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