So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
