It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
