every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
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Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
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In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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