There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
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I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.