it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing