I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.