i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall