Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
