Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
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it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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