guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
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I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
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My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
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