Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
