I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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