first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just need some of your time and all of your body.