dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
