all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™