yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.