Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.