I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you