And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
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mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.