I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs