My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
