he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
