oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
