bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
