i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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