apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
