i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
