I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
