she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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