You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
