There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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