I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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