mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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