you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
