I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
