i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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