Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
