We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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