upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Hippo gnu deer
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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