Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
