if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
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We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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