Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
