some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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