This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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