why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
