Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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