So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
