you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
