It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
