ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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