Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
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you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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