i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
