She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
